Its St. Patrick’s Day, and I’m going to be way too inebriated to cook for myself, so I figured I would get an early start on celebrating the holiday a few days ago with the traditional Irish staple of colcannon and corned beef.

Now, just to get this out of the way, colcannon is Irish for cabbage and potatoes, and bubble and squeak is what the British call it when you add boiled meat to it, so I guess technically that is what I made but come on I wasn’t going to title this post “Bubble and Squeak,” that sounds like an awkward sex position or a really bad superhero duo.

First, I made a corned beef brisket. Its literally the easiest thing in the world to make because you just slowly boil the meat for 50 minutes a pound, and it should come with a spice packet…

Just add water! Cooking shouldn't be like breeding Sea Monkeys...

To prepare the cabbage, first I cut up a bunch of cabbage (duh) and an onion. Tossed it in a big pot with about 1/3 a cup of water, and let it simmer for 8 minutes.

In retrospect green cabbage would have been more appropriate for St. Patty's day, but I already had red cabbage so sue me

At the same time as I was making the cabbage, I boiled some potatoes until the were falling apart (about 20 minutes or so), and then smashed them up and added them to the cabbage. Added 1/4 cup of milk, 1/4 stick of butter, and salt and pepper to taste, and serve with the corned beef!

I refuse to call this bubble and squeek. I'm pretty sure whomever came up with that name was drunk.